pretend all the good things are for you. [entries|friends|calendar] Tassie [ website | Let's See ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[12 Nov 2006|12:46am] Random Facts: I like to play roller hockey with my boyfriend. When I use a public restroom I rip the first inch off of the toilette paper roll before I use it. I don't like to blow my nose. I'm a fast food junky. My boyfriend and mom are the only people that truly make me laugh. I have over 100 pairs of shoes. I drink organic chocolate milk like no other. I read more than one book at a time. I love to interior decorate. I'm really good at H.O.R.S.E. I collect Audrey Hepburn dvds. I have a fear of being alone. Whenever I have money I have to spend it right away. I'm truely a very hateful person, because I'm fake and never honest with the people around me. I cry for myself, but I'd never cry for you. I ran out of empathy years ago. Sometimes I have panic attacks and I kick,punch,bite, and scratch my boyfriend till he has to pin me down and I fall asleep. I'm inlove but I could easily move on to someone new and say the same thing. I'm very shallow and easily reckless with my life. I cant eat gummy bears because I feel like theyre clogging up my throat. I'm very addicted to sex and other sexual activities. I drive fast and fear cops. I got my first ticket the other night, for running a red light. I was molested when I was 4. I've had 5 fathers. My real father hates my guts and thinks I'm scum. I've spit in the face of someone important. I have more books than I do friends, lovers, feelings, or family members. I simply cannot stand drugs, drinking, or anything else I cannot afford. post comment

[07 Nov 2006|12:20am] This was my weekend...and every night from now on. post comment

[04 Nov 2006|12:13pm] Last night I saw a dead body on the side of the road...covered in a bloody white sheet. I felt horrible for the person under that sheet, but then I felt horrible for the family at home. I don't want to die and be forgotten. Who does? His limbs were tangled up in the pavement that destroyed him, but it was some how so cold to drive past there...I dont know why I feel so strongly about that boy under the sheet that was driving his motorcycle so wrecklessly. Was he good looking? Did he go to school? How old was he? Did he have a family and a lover? Was he passionate? Who was he...and why was it his time? I don't feel very well. But I plan to post pictures of all the goodies that will soon be in our apartment. 1 comment|post comment

[23 Oct 2006|06:13pm] Oh boy do I have alot to brag about! Sunday Robbie and I went to Frys and bought the following... I got myself a little somethin somethin for my ipod. It's beyond awesome. ( $$$$ )  Dont be jealous. post comment

[21 Oct 2006|11:34pm] We bought so much crap today for our apartment. But mostly kitchen items. Everything added up to around 900. We sort of ran out of things to buy after that point. The rest is all items we have to buy after we move in and see what decorations and fill in items were going to need. It's exactly 2 months till we move. I'm getting really anxious and nervous. But I'm also so excited I cant sleep very well at night. Boo-hoo. I need to lose some weight, hopefully I start shedding pounds after we move out and I'm not stress eating like a lard. Tomorrow were going to buy a new computer cause we really need one since our laptop has a virus and we want more than one computer just incase one of them crashes. So hopefully we get something with alot of memory so I can itunes it up without taking alot of space. I need to find some cute magnets for our fridge...I have so much to do! Oh, I got to see an old friend on friday...it was nice. I miss her. But a part of me is used to not having any 'good' friends. So it's kind of weird talking to another girl and not Robbie or my mom. I really need to get ouf of the house.  I bought Stanley really cute food bowls from Target today! I love them. Robbie bought a Butler that holds stuff, like the one the Snoop Dogg rolls his joints on. It's literally a man that stands up probably to my waist and holds a serving tray with one hand. Robbie said he's going to put it by the front door so that he can sit his keys and stuff on his little serving tray. I think the whole idea is ridiculous but whatev. I'm so tired of shopping and waiting to move out...I want it now! 4 comments|post comment

[19 Oct 2006|06:19am] So it turns out my mom is giving us 1,000 bucks instead of the 800. I dont know how to thank her. But she is taking me house shopping this saturday. I might just be stunned if this all goes well! But guess what? On monday I bought my first washer and dryer set. I cried the whole time. Gay. 3 comments|post comment

[15 Oct 2006|06:16pm] My entire childhood was rooted into a singlewide mobil home. I never had alot, and I was never given alot. My mom isnt the giving type, she's more the taking type. But she just called to tell me she was giving Robbie and I 800 dollars to buy home furnishing for our first apartment. My first thought is..."what does she want in return?". But she said she wants nothing, and thats shes just proud of me, for not turning out like her, but for turning into something so much better. My mother has never made me cry because of something nice, so this is beyond believable. I dont know what to say or think. December 22 is not too far away...I cannot wait till I can have my 'own' keys to my 'own' place. My nerves have been at an all time high. Oh, and I love Big Lots, it's so trashy it's sheek. 2 comments|post comment

[04 Oct 2006|08:22pm] I havnt updated in such a long time. But I just wanted you to know that I've been reading my friends post every morning just to keep up with everyone, sorry if I havnt commented though! Everyone knows how Robbie and I have been saving up for our apartment furnishings and other things. We've already saved up 2000 bucks in less than 3 weeks. In four months we're going to be loaded!!! I just want my new home to be perfect, and I want my new future to be perfect, or as good as I can make it. I'm really excited to see so much progress so soon, I'd been doubting myself this whole entire time until I checked our bank account. Now I truely believe I can manage money without spending every penny on clothes and fast food. I'm just really excited, everything is working out perfectly so far. Why do we change? 6 comments|post comment

[25 Sep 2006|06:53pm] [ music | broadcast ] The first weekend in January I will be moving into my own apartment. Happy.Happy.Joy.Joy 1 comment|post comment

[23 Sep 2006|06:25pm] What are some of the most important things to know before moving out on your own? I'm probably terrified of failure. I'm starting to pack our room. 2 comments|post comment

[19 Sep 2006|08:24am] Why is everyone around me pregnant? And why am I finding excuses to leave the house? Who am I? WHAT AM I DOING!!!! 1 comment|post comment

[12 Sep 2006|10:29pm] This is why I havnt shown my face around here in awhile. Sorry. Please leave me a nice loving comment, and I might pry my hands away from my new DS long enough to say hello. Love you! 4 comments|post comment

[31 Aug 2006|11:25pm] I have been oh! so busy these past few days..or shall I say weeks. Robbie is slowly getting over his surgery, thank god. All of his moaning and groaning will soon be over. Otherwise, this money saving ordeal is harder than I thought it would be. I love clothes and purses too much. I'm never going to be able to move out of this shit hole. But I guess it might take me enough time to save. I applied at Wag the Dog as a weekend job. Hopefully that will bring in a little more money. I dont want to talk about money anymore. I want to talk about how our three year anniversary is on saturday and we have nothing planned. It's so horribly sad that we have been so busy...we do love eachother, despite what you may think. I really do love my job, but thank god for Labor Day. How the hell has everyone been? I've missed all of your beautiful updates! I just sent my ipod in to get repairs, hopefully they fix the problem this time! I hate cd's. post comment

[23 Aug 2006|02:00pm] Robbie is in the hospital. He had surgery to get his appendix removed, after we waited 3 hours in the emergency room. BURST! Some how we've been fighting all of this time, but nothing matters anymore. None of it. I guess thats how love works, one minute your alive and angry...then you could die...and it's not so hard to forget the bad stuff. I feel foolish and ugly inside. post comment

[21 Aug 2006|07:07pm] Why is trust so easily broken? I've worked so hard and for so long building up my heart. Fitting each and every tiny piece back into its place. But here you come, hammer in hand. I cringe when I think about your eyes rolling to the back of your head, hands thrusting...but not for me. I made myself sick today, for what? For this empty chest that rattles when I breath, when I love, or when I sing. I need a water so pure and so cold, I want to feel something other than fire. I want to feel whole. Give me life or give me death? Does it matter anymore. The earth so empty, so brown, so bland. Where has all the color gone? My hair is blond when her's is not. Her chest large as it sinks into her ribs...sinks so deep she dies. What do I care?  I'm dying...little do you know...I'm dying. Who am I? I am not bright light, I am not a leader. Does it matter when the world has no color...does it matter when your corrupt. Driving in a car full of others, the ones who can be happy with what they have. YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE...MORE THAN I AM. I can't breathe. 2 comments|post comment

[18 Aug 2006|11:22pm] My boyfriend has been jacking off to porn sites for the last month. But its not just porn, its real girls. Not the air brush shit. It's girls on the computer who post videos and crap. What should I do? He says its because we havnt been having sex. But we have...I feel sick. Is it 'okay' for guys to do this? I really dont know what to do. I thought he was different...but I guess I was wrong. Cant I just find someone who LOVES ME...I dont really understand any of this. Is it wrong to stay with him? Cause I know it's never going to change...I wont forgive him..ever. 8 comments|post comment

[17 Aug 2006|07:59pm] I am so in love with my life lately. How odd is fate?  We're finally moving out! Not until December or the begining of January. This is such a BIG step for us, and for our relationship, I cannot wait...literally! Is it so bad to want a fish tank?  I love the aquarium, I just want to go all the time and take photos of fish and the huge buckets of water that contain them. I kind of want to be a perfessional diver, although I can't swim very well. But I want to breathe like a fish, gills and all. I'm just so hyped up on my life and midol I might just get too giddy and pass out. Dangerous. 2 comments|post comment

[14 Aug 2006|11:30pm] ( furniture ) Our new apartment... Shotty photos from their website. We plan on spending a little under 3,000 on furniture for our new place. The rest we plan on saving just incase something horrible happens. This is pretty much our monthly budget. INCOME: 2,500 monthly -lowest possible. Incase of sickness or school. It's actually a little more from both of us. BILLS:  RENT-$600 ELECTRICITY-$175 INTERNET/CABLE-$75 WATER-$FREE!!! CAR PAYMENTS AND INSURANCE-$450 FOOD-$300 ENTERTAINMENT-$200 GASOLINE-$650 TOTAL: 2,490 The good thing is that we made this plan rougly, so we actually made the bills more expensive than they really are and deducted large chunks from both of our monthly checks. So we will actually have more money left over after everything is said and done, thank god. We just wanted to know we could pay our bills no matter what. Plus Robbie's parents are keeping us both on their phone plans and paying for Robbie's insurance. So we dont have to worry about those expenses until he graduates a few years down the road. I'm really nervous about saving up and moving out, but I think it's going to be a beautiful experience for us both. I just hope I can save up without blowing all of my money on clothes and fast food! Urg, but I want this bad enough. 11 comments|post comment

[13 Aug 2006|05:41pm] I finally bought a polaroid camera, I'll scan some photos later. I've been up at UTA for more than 2 hours, waiting for the boy to register. I bought alot of things from Urban Outfitters, I'm now negative in my account. I need tips to help me save money for an apartment, I cant wait to come home...to my own house. I want to buy furniture and paint my walls deep yellow. I want sunlight streaming through the walls and across my floor. I cant wait, I want to buy up every item from IKEA...I need to save! HELP ME! post comment

[10 Aug 2006|07:54am] My hair is totally different than it was before...and I love it. Thank you Irene!   ( random ) Never ever put tape on your lip, cause when you rip it off the outcome is not pretty! P.S. I dont have alot to say, my life has been pretty silent lately. 14 comments|post comment

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